The Genetic Royalty

I mentioned something in one of my previous posts that evoked a strong response from several readers. So after getting several questions about it, I’d like to expand on it a bit more here.

If you’ve read my posts up until this point, you might assume that I believe everyone is really, really fat. They all have a Carbohydrate Allergy. Everyone has this affliction, it’s a world-wide (emphasis on wide) problem, and it’s an emergency.

Well, the truth is that there is a huge portion of the population, almost half, in fact, to whom this blog will be of no practical use. These people—who number in the hundreds of millions—have never been fat, aren’t currently getting fat, and will very likely remain thin for the rest of their lives. That’s right; even as they eat pasta, bread, sugar, and pretty much anything else that they like, they will maintain their completely normal and acceptable levels of body fat.

I call these people Assholes The Genetic Royalty.

A member of the Genetic Royalty, pictured here in his natural habitat, about to eat a jar of nutella and stare at his abs.

A member of the Genetic Royalty, pictured here in his natural habitat. He’s about to eat a jar of nutella, fill his bathtub with Nilla Wafers, and stare at his abs while he takes his cookie bath and burns calories for fun.

The Genetic Royalty have special privileges. They may eat, with impunity, the types of foods that would aggressively alter the appetite and fat cell regulation of an individual who was allergic to carbohydrate.

There is a vast constellation of hormones and neurotransmitters—”brain messengers”—that regulate all the body’s processes, including fat storage and processing. The starting levels of these hormones at birth and as you grow up are set genetically by your choice of ancestors (choose wisely!). After that, they are altered epigenetically by your environment, including the food you eat, your lifestyle, your behavior, your circadian rhythm, the social interactions you have, your location on the Earth, and even the technology you use, to name a few. Many people have a regulatory process that has broken down. The Genetic Royalty are those in whom the process still works, even in the face of bad choices, because they have not yet managed to fuck up their impeccable selection of ancestors with their current environment. Naturally, these people will attribute their good health, leanness, longevity, and anything else they can think of to their lifestyle choices, many of which are not even under their conscious control.

The Genetic Royalty do not binge. It never crosses their minds to eat when they’re not actually hungry.

If the Genetic Royalty temporarily override their natural inclinations and eat a large amount for fun, say at a wing-eating contest or a Holiday Weekend, they will effortlessly and subconsciously reduce their intake during the following days to compensate. And when you ask them if they’re “making up for” their weekend by purposely “cutting back” the following week, they’ll shake their heads.

“No,” they’ll say, “I just haven’t been that hungry lately.”

What a bunch of Assholes Genetic Royalty!

The Genetic Royalty cannot understand what the big deal is with fat people struggling to become regular-sized people. Truth be told, even though they’re perfectly nice people a small part of them can’t help but think of fat people as second-class citizens, their over-weight being a lifestyle choice that is under complete conscious control.

The vast majority of the Genetic Royalty are part of the calories in/calories out crowd; and really, who can blame them?

If you’ve been thin your whole life, have never had any difficulty controlling hunger, have always been able to stop eating when you approach satiety, and have been repeatedly told that fat people are fat “because they eat too much,” you could come to no other conclusion about your fellow Americans who are—inexplicably—super fat.

Keep in mind that I’m talking about the vast majority of the Genetic Royalty. I know several of them that are fully aware of the actual causes of obesity.

I’m talking about the person who was always in great shape, decided to make a career out of it, got a college degree in kinesiology or physical therapy or athletic training or physiology or something, and now thinks that he knows something about why people get fat.

I’m talking about your well-meaning but misinformed skinny family member telling you that “skipping breakfast isn’t good for you, bro.”

I’m talking about the ripped guy working at GNC who earnestly informs you that you shouldn’t cut out carbs because “they give you quick energy” and “you should eat a balanced diet.”

I’m talking about your friend who gives fat loss advice, unsolicited, on Facebook.

I’m talking about the person who tells you you’re getting “too skinny” when you finally begin to lose your excess fat. No no no no, Fuck YOU.

Unfortunately, it’s only when something no longer works that you begin looking for answers. With enough time and enough of the wrong choices, even members of the Genetic Royalty can begin to get fat. When this happens, they begin to….[drum roll please]….Eat Less and Exercise More!!

Even Optimus Prime thinks you're fucking up.

Even Optimus Prime thinks you’re fucking up.

Not so Royal now, are you? Weird, right? You’re hungry, huh. What’s that? It worked for a couple months but then your sleep started to suck, you got depressed, you had weird binges, and you got plantar fasciitis from all the cardio? I thought all you had to do was Eat Less and Exercise More! Well I’ve got great news—there’s a better way.

This blog—and the Fat Loss Map—is not for those who effortlessly maintain their perfect shape and size. Good for you guys, but you don’t need my help and so I have a different demographic to reach.

If you are fat, you are not part of the Genetic Royalty. You suffer from a Carbohydrate Allergy and should not pay any attention to anything that they have to say about it. Not because they can’t relate, but because they’re fucking clueless. They literally do not know what they’re talking about, yet have the balls to talk to you like they’re experts.

What a bunch of Genetic Royalty Assholes.

There’s a silver lining, though. Since I became regular-sized, I’ve gotten many, many comments from people I’ve just met that imply that I have “lucky genes” or that it “must be nice” to not have to struggle with my weight. This makes me smile, and when I take out my phone and show them what I used to look like, they are often at a loss. “That’s called ‘Cognitive Dissonance,'” I tell them. “Trying to hold two mutually exclusive ideas in your mind at the same time. On one hand, you think I can only be thin like this—and you can only be fat like that—because of genetics or other things that are out of your control. And on the other hand, I’ve just proven to you that it is completely under your control.”

That’s my point: it is completely under your control. Epigenetics (google it) is how your behaviors and thoughts affect your genes, and it is far more powerful than the genetics you were born with. In other words, everyone is given different cards, but not only can you skillfully play the cards you were dealt, you can change them into different cards altogether.

Like this fellow.

Like this fellow.

There is a way to get from wherever you are to wherever you want to be. The only person you should ever compare yourself to is your previous self. As long as you’re doing better than that guy or gal, you’re moving in the right direction. Now get off your ass and go make some meat.