Plenty of Room at the Top

I’m in the business of turning fat people into regular-sized people because it brings me satisfaction and because it is a very useful service that people will happily, eagerly pay for. Even with the demand as high as it is, I am easily able to provide more in Use Value to my clients than I take from them in Cash Value.

This started as a hobby for me because I have a perpetual enthusiasm for the information and its application. Now it’s even better: a hobby that has become a business—one for which I am perfectly suited, I think. So far so good.

Just the other day, though, I had a remarkable revelation. Something that shined a bright, charmed light on my future prospects for this sort of work:

I have no competitors.

Imagine. A business without competition. That’s something I can get behind! I’m not saying I have a monopoly—that I’m “the only game in town.” A ten-second internet search will reveal quite the opposite, in fact. Everyone and their mothers are trying to help people “lose weight.”

No, what I’m talking about refers to one or more businesses competing for the same client. A competitor is someone with whom you compete for the same scarce resource; a rival. Like two employees competing for a promotion (the “resource”) or two men competing for a woman (the “resource”) or two skeletons, both having ordered beers, fighting over who gets the bar’s only mop.

Think about it.

Think about it.

But the “resource” here is clients.

And our clients are fat people.

And we live in America.

It’ll be many years and many more thousands of entries into the field before I have to compete with someone because there just aren’t enough fat people to go around. More than half of all Americans—that’s several dozens of millions—are overweight, and a good proportion of those are Obese.

What About You?

Now put on your Thinking Cap™ for a moment and consider this: in any economy, there is far more competition for the low-level and mid-level jobs than there is for the top-level jobs. Dozens and dozens of people are angling for positions like Assistant Director of Regional Sales, while only a select handful are even considering the position of Vice President or Chairman or Chief Executive Officer. There’s plenty of room at the top.

Of the people working at a restaurant, there are always far more applicants for a server position than for a manager position.

Out of all the aspiring baseball players, there are always far more guys competing for a spot on a AAA team than there are competing for a spot on a Big-League squad.

I know dozens of up-and-coming young musicians who are diligently auditioning for small, regional orchestras and do not even apply for the big, prestigious orchestra positions that open up.

I could type examples of this for the next five hours, but you get the point.

And the funny part is that the competition for these middling spots is grueling. People are grinding so hard and working so diligently for table scraps that they don’t even want to imagine how hard it would be to compete for those positions up there! But these people are making a very natural yet very costly mistake. The truth is that there is very little competition for those top spots. Certainly less competition than for the middle spots.

The fact that there are fewer people vying for those top spots is only part of the reason that there isn’t a lot of competition. Here’s the real reason: most people just don’t have the goods. They’re not skilled enough. They haven’t put in the work; they haven’t paid the price. They’re not where they are because that’s where they want to be; they’re where they are because they haven’t developed themselves into the person who’s up there. Once they do, they will be up there, skipping all the intermediate “steps” that many people feel are “required.”

Want to be in the Big Leagues? Get really damn good. World-class, even. It won’t matter if you’re bagging groceries, unemployed, currently playing for a AAA team, or whatever. If you’ve got the goods, people will find out about it and there’s a team that’s got a spot for you.

Want to play in the New York Philharmonic or the Chicago Symphony? Get really damn good. World-class, even. It won’t matter if you’re currently playing wedding gigs in Wichita or sitting 2nd-chair in the Billings, Montana Radio Orchestra. If you’ve got the goods, people will find out about it and there’s an orchestra that’s got a spot for you.

You will always find yourself in a job or circumstance that fits your current level of ability and aptitude.

I can hear you thinking right now. I can actually hear the sad, automatic, pathetic refrain droning on from some of you:

Well, it’s not like that.

I’m not good enough for those spots yet.

You have to go in order, you have to wait your turn.

I’m just paying my dues.

Some day I’ll be ready for those positions.

You have to walk before you can run.

I’m not ready for that yet.


I’m in line.

Fuck the line.

Who taught you to think like that? Probably someone ahead of you in “line.”

Here’s How This Works

Eventually, you get what it is you’re after. If you focus on something fiercely enough, long enough, and persistently enough, you will achieve the goal for which you are working. When that happens, are you going to be in a good spot? Do not mistakenly work towards an unsatisfactory position. You can do, be, or have anything that you’d like. Stop fucking around with anything you would not like, but that you feel is somehow unavoidable or a necessary evil. I’ll share again the poem that I included in this article—it applies here as well.

“I bargained with Life for a penny,

And Life would pay no more,

However I begged at evening

When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer;

He gives you what you ask.

But once you have set the wages,

Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial’s hire,

Only to learn, dismayed,

That any wage I had asked of Life,

Life would have willingly paid.”

—Jessie B. Rittenhouse

There’s plenty of room at the top. And the best spots are reserved not for those who have put in the prerequisite amount of time or who have paid their dues, but for those who have the goods. Period.

Many of you reading this right now have some weight to lose. But really, losing the weight is only a means to get to your real goal, which is to look better than other people by comparison and reap the benefits thereof. For example, if everyone around you is 400 pounds, and you’re 230, all the sudden you’re the Belle of the Gaht Damn Ball, aren’t you? Much like surviving an attack from Bear Cavalry, you don’t need to be the fastest one in the group. You merely need to be faster than most of your peers.

And it's going to be hard to run with all that shit in your pants.

And it’s going to be hard to run with all that shit in your pants.

Even though we see ripped abs and shredded muscles on magazine covers every day, the truth is that the vast majority of people are out of shape. A fit, sexy person is an extreme rarity. We think that we’re in “competition” with those figure models; we think that they are the standard by which we’re judged when we hit the beach.

However, the truth about physical fitness and a good-looking body is far different: there’s plenty of room at the top. Don’t think that you can’t be one of “those people” that just “has it.” Very few genetic predispositions are truly so shitty that you cannot develop a good-looking body. I’m talking born-without-limbs genetics or maybe blindness or something. Nothing looks good to those people. And don’t worry, I haven’t offended anyone, they’re not reading this.

You can get to the top. It’s for sure. You can get from wherever you are to wherever you want to be. If you will but keep going it’s a literal certainty that you will get there. Don’t get “a little better.” When you have your eyes on the top, and begin to work toward it, you’ll move into and through any intermediate steps that are necessary; best not to worry about them.

And, again: there’s plenty of room at the top.

As for me, so long as Americans have the internet and the desire to become regular-sized people, I’ll be doing good business. And, as it is with all businesses who provide more in Use Value than they take in Cash Value, business will be booming for some time.

After all, how can you fail without any competitors?!